dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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