so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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