remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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