She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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