just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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