why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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