if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
