I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
