A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
