Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
