I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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