I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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