he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
