is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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