OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
