Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize