Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
