Fuck appropriateness.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
my liver is dry heaving
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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