Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I want her autograph on my taint
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
