Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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