Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
