it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
