That's intense
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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