Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
