k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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