i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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