what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
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I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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