that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
