My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
