I am full of burrito and curiosity
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I will be naked everywhere
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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