You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
His nipple licking is glorious
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