the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
