i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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