I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
