she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
