can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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