i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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