I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
