bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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