she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
