Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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