a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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