I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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