Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
