9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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