i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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