im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
