the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
