dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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