Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
