I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
