thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
