Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
