Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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