Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm way too hungover for life right now
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
