I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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