I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Please, let me fuck your mom
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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