im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
