So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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