In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
