Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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