Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
