Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
