i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
