Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
