You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
