We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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