i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
