He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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