I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
God, I missed his penis.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
